Facebook keeps rejecting my ad for the sensuality workshop, basically saying it’s lewd and inappropriate. Everything else in my world is ok, but I was running around in a tight ball all yesterday and JUST realized what is happening. It’s bringing up all the times I have been too much or inappropriate with my sexuality.
Can you relate?
There’s the times I was caught having sex, in a coat closet at a wedding, the bottom room of a boat on a whale watching tour: the stern shamey faces still stare down at me.
Being polyamorous before I knew about it, and getting ostracized by a whole community. Writing a letter to a beloved old friend from college about many things, activism and parenthood, and also my polyamory, and getting a Facebook message back requesting that I never contact him again, and how did I think his wife would feel?
All the times I didn’t have sex, was up in my head, didn’t lose myself in pleasure, because I didn’t want to be a slut or a ho.
A past primary partner flipping me off with both hands after I imperfectly honored the rules and boundaries he set for me on a date with a new lover, out in the street, spit flying and neighbors eavesdropping, “You’re out of control, Florie!”
How his accusation found good company with my own internal voice, “See! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You’re out of control Florie! You’re fucking out of control.”
Add to that my rapist telling me he’d been planning on raping me ever since he saw me skinny dipping in a creek.
When you surrender to pleasure, flirt too much, or dress too slutty, or even talk about sex too much, you hurt people, lose people, and sometimes make them scary and even dangerous.
And I anticipate some reactive responses from writing this.
But you know what? Fuck it. For the rest of my life, I want to be as sexy and sexual as I want. I want to say yes to everything that feels good, within my integrity, without shame. I don’t want to apologize, or tone it down. Do flowers to that? No! Flowers be like, “Hello hummingbirds and bees! Come pollinate me!”
For the rest of my life I want my sexuality to be completely my own, with no one entitled to or placing rules or restrictions on it. It is completely my own to give or not give. And I want to allow myself all the pleasures, of lying in bed listening to the rain, eating mangoes naked, making out for hours in soft clean sheets, smoking my bong under moonlight in my outdoor bath. Enjoying the sexy swing of my hips, hoping its giving others pleasure. Watching the daffodil each day as it makes its way out of its sheath. Checking on the strawberries. What is more important than this? And why is it so hard to allow?
Why is it so hard to allow?
And how would things shift in you and the world at large if we, especially women, allowed more of it? What if all the women allowed themselves to be, as one of the wild women says, “well pleasured and well fucked?”
Let’s find out, and let’s talk about all of this together this Saturday…..
Gather in a safe circle of women to explore our relationships to sex, pleasure, and our bodies to:
- Get back into your body to feel more free, creative, and alive.
- Collectively heal personal and cultural wounds around sex and sexuality.
- Expand your horizons, so you can experience more pleasure and sensual self-expression.
There will be a blend of movement, experiential, deep questioning, and sharing. You will not be pushed beyond your stretch zone.
This event is open to all who identify as womyn.
Saturday, March 19th
10:00am – 1:00pm PST